urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:comingxundonex 'Cause I'll blend up that rainbow above you & shoot it through your veins Kate 2009-12-14T04:21:24Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:comingxundonex:118689 2009-12-14T04:12:30Z 2009-12-14T04:21:24Z I wonder<br />If I said the right things<br />Would this wound have bled so much<br />Words are all that we have left for us<br /><br />I wonder<br />Why you had to be in such a rush<br />I'll march into my graveyard and bury you now<br />The last man standing<br />But not the last one laughing<br />While worms eat your body and the fog covers your grave<br />I'll still be trying <br />To get your laugh out of my head<br /><br />I just need some more<br />Just need some more time<br />It's not how we should say goodbye<br />Wasted my time<br /><br />And I thought you were stronger than ones before<br />When I said that I needed some time<br />I didn't expect you to quit<br />Now that I lost you<br />Feels like I lost myself<br />I found regret<br /><br />Answers we'll never get<br />Answers we'll never get urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:comingxundonex:118397 2009-12-12T22:45:33Z 2009-12-13T16:59:01Z I find it very wrong that my world has abruptly stopped spinning on it's axis, and Old Navy still requires me to go to work at 7pm until 12am.<br />I don't have any real desire to go anywhere anytime soon, but my ability to give a fuck about anything has been shattered, and that includes my caring about whether I go to work, or whether I just get into bed and go back to sleep. <br /><br />---<br /><br />It's evident now that this is just one more pathetic excuse for you to run away from your perceived obligations. To run away from all the things about me that scare you. Hating me for something genetic - for something that literally courses through my veins - that I have not yet discovered the tools to withhold, would be on the same level as me hating you for being transgendered. I didn't do this to myself. This is yet another example of being a coward. You are not taking a stand for yourself, you are running away and sticking your head in the sand. Alcoholism runs in my family. My father was an alcoholic, my father's father was an alcoholic, and I probably should never have started drinking, but I did, and now I'm suffering the consequences. I am not trying to say this isn't my fault, I am simply saying it is not <em>entirely</em> my fault. I am simply not strong enough to fight off all my demons with such ill-equipped emotional skills as these and I cannot believe that after four years, this is how you're going to let us die.<br /><br />If you are completely okay with hating me and cutting me out of your life for something that, before last night, hadn't happened since AUGUST, then you're not the person I thought you were. You are weak, and this is why people like Vikki and your so-called friends walk all over you. If you think you're standing up for yourself by getting mad and cutting me out now, like this, then I don't want you back anyways. I will not apologize for this anymore because you are no better. How many people have loved you unconditionally the past four years? How many of them just dropped the fact that you are spineless and can't keep a promise to save your life, because they were under the impression that you were still worth it?<br /><br />I'll eat my words if I'm not one of about three people who have stuck by you through YOUR own alcoholism and lunacy.<br /><br />Cheers to you if you think you've done the right thing, but sweetheart, you are FAR from perfect and I loved you with a fierceness that I never even thought possible. I also never thought it would be possible to be this devastated and disappointed in any one person. Good luck to you. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:comingxundonex:528 2006-10-28T23:07:13Z 2008-02-17T01:06:43Z <div align="center"><img alt="" src="http://i93.photobucket.com/albums/l77/forsake_me_/LJ%20Pictures/FO.jpg" /></div><center></center><div align="center"> </div>